le Vésuve

The dining party is seated around the teppanyaki grill. Chef Nosehair comes to the grill with his cart of meats and vegetables and his fancy knife and spatula collection. As Chef Nosehair builds the obligatory onion "volcano," he breaks down in tears while recounting the horrific demise of Pompeii. $325 USD

porc en enfer

A pig is slaughtered in adherence to Satanic law. The pig's soul is damned to hell for eternity, but the body yields tender double-cut chops coated in pesto. Served with fresh cinnamon applesauce and roasted root vegetables. $470 USD

les violons vertigineuses

A small pantry moth surreptitiously lays its eggs inside the chef's ear.  The chef becomes disoriented and fills his piping bag with hot smashed potatoes and horseradish. The chef pipes the mixture into the Maître d's eyes before Gordon Ramsay appears in a daydream to tell the chef how very much he adores him. $415 USD

face brûlée

The dining party's face is dry rubbed with a brown sugar, kosher salt, chili powder, and black pepper combination.  The nose is studded with clove and the lips are swabbed with habanero and vinegar based hot sauce.  A brûlée torch is used to crisp the skin of the face which can then be eaten by others in the privacy of the burn unit of the nearest hospital.  $700 USD

frais de la ferme

Crisp and aromatic seasonal ingredients are sought at the local farmer's market.  Fresh fish are selected by the chef's fastidious eye.  Goofy ideas about the mailman are mulled.  $550 USD

celui qui s'est enfui

Panko crusted baked halibut in a lemon butter sauce with a side of carrots glazed in a ginger ale reduction are spilled on the floor after the distracted waiter collides with a lady in an orange hat.  The orange hat is a pylon.  No, it's a deflated basketball.  $650 USD.

baked arkansas

The inebriated chef strips nude and hides beneath the table begging for scraps of his own dishes.  The police are summoned and arrest the chef for lewd behavior and failure to pay child support.  $245 USD

rigorlicious

Congealed pig fat with mint jelly atop rye toast is served to a man who has died 2 hours prior. $470 USD

last rites

Airlifted from the Tour de France, a concussed bicyclist struggles to maintain consciousness as sticky sweet raspberry preserves drip from his ears.  Peanut butter soup is delivered intravenously while a voodoo priestess huffs an oxygen/helium blend from a hookah made of sculpted ice. $1200 USD

un dieu est mort

Watercress sandwiches are nonchalantly thrown in the trash against a hand painted backdrop of starving African children with distended abdomens.  $400 USD